Royal Newleyweds totally in love & facing wedded bliss!
Porky & Bess arrive to trot down the aisle at Westminster Abbey!
The Royal Wedding aside - sigh! - there certainly was a lot of juicy fashion fodder to feast upon.
As handsome Prince William (looking particulary manly in his Irish Guard Uniform highlighted with a dash of brilliant red and Royal Blue) and childhood sweetheart Kate Middleton (every bit a blushing "Royal Highness" in a stunning chic wedding frock fashioned by Sarah Burton the Numero Uno designer extraordinaire) prepared for their grand debut on the world stage before a billion-or-two prying eyes, a posse of upstarts in the Royal Court - a Duchess here, a Princess there - primped and preened for the paparazzi down at Westminister Abbey in a sly deceitful effort to steal a bit of Kate's thunder.
Before you could utter up - "Hedda Hopper" - a gaggle of frightful sorry-looking-swans fluttered into the frenzied fray.
And, in two-seconds-flat, a bevy of fashion disasters were to the English Manor born!
What do they say?
Birds of a feather flock together!
When it came to color - the plummage was dead on - and featured vibrant hues such as teal, coral, cobalt, and pink.
Joyous, in that regard.
The tricky jolting shapes and odd-ball flourishes at times reminded me of the old "I Love Lucy" episode, though, when Ricky and Fred pulled a prank on Lucy and Ethel by leading them to believe that outfits they were gifted with were designed by a top french designer - when, in fact - they were whipped up overnight from cast-offs in the trash bin.
Flying Saucers, eye-popping Polka dots, and reams of idle fabric were too much for the fragile frames that lurked underneath never to be seen again.
Consequently, ugly-duckling gowns - stuffy, over-the-top, too tight, overly-puffy, and out-of-proportion - paraded down the aisle just begging for some prankster to utter up nasty farting sounds from some dank dark corner of the Abbey (appropriate fashion commentary in this instant case).
The misguided hands of well-meaning fashion designers (clever cows milking the throne) - fumbled from the get-go - 'til the final curtain when the trussed up trollops came across as dumb show.
Among the first to be pounced on by the Fashion Police (at the Wedding of the Century) was none other than the pretty sultry sexy on-again-off-again love of randy Prince Harry.
Chelsy Davy sashayed into the spotlight in an aqua green Alberta Ferretti skirt and off-the-shoulder jacket with a bow at the back (which I predicted she would in a post a day-or-so ago) - but, who knew she'd blow a shoe-in - by letting the flab show.
Just maybe, she was not fashion savvy enough to fathom, that overly-tight busting-at-the-seams frocks don't cut it in chic fashion circles.
I was delighted when Ms. Davy made her grand entrance, because I'm always in a panic to find worthy candiates to poke fun at for my annual 10 Worst-Dressed-Women's list.
To refresh your memory, here are the winners (losers?) who made the grade last year.
Ms. Davy, just roared up to the top of the list, unless an encore can convince me otherwise!
Peter Phillip's wife ran a close second by virtue of a coat-dress (by designer Sassi Holford) which appeared to be rustled up from tacky left-over upholstery fabric from some bargain-basement sale.
And, a flop of a hat, that matched up.
The verdict is still out on Victoria Beckham - who dressed more along the lines of the "Black Swan" - than the normally-chic fashion image she is often inclined to pull off more effectively.
The solemn look added to the mournful image!
Princess Eugenie wore a blue Vivienne Westwood which was too pouffy (stuffy, too).
When she dressed for the tony event, she clearly threw caution (and taste) to the wind.
Beatrice, her doting sis, sprang for a see-thru Valentino couture coat that didn't jive well with an over-the-top outrageous hat.
"Thank God, they hid their knees," one friend of the Royals whispered to all within earshot.
Knock-knees are not in style this year, but maybe next!
When the two trotted towards the Abbey, the odd twosome reminded me of Porky & Bess.
There is one at every chi-chi event.
Some brazen broad anxious to show her girls!
Sally Bercow filled that bill to a "t" cup.
Jessica Craig - who slipped into a nude skirt suit, tan tights, and sensible shoes - underscored why no proposal was forthcoming from Wills.
Meanwile, a hatless Samantha Cameron chose to ignore fashion Wedding protocol, by neglecting (willfully?) to splurge on a spring bonnet.
April 29th was hailed as a great day for fashion, for one very good reason.
Kate elected to don a dress by Sarah Burton (Alexander McQueen's House) which - in a nutshell - knocked all the other gal's panty hose out of the Abbey.
The buzz, honestly?
The petite Princess Letizia of Spain wisely (and tastefully) tossed on a pale pink bandage-strip dress by Felipe Varela and teamed it with matching shoes and a charming cloche hat.
The epitome of style!
But, others in her chic league, were few-and-far between.
Lady Sophie Windsor was a stunnng tony guest who cut a fine swath in a cocktail dress and coat by Giorgio Armani Prive (with exaggerated shoulders and graphic hat).
Princess Michael of Kent turned Royal heads in a Sophia Loren-style picture hat, Andrea Odicini teal skirt suit, and Vanessa Noel matching shoes.
Pippa Middleton knocked everyone out when she graced the red carpet with a cowl-necked gown in ivory satin crepe by Sarah Burton at Alexander McQueen.
Carole Middleton wisely selected a pale blue Catherine Walker wool crepe coat-dress over a matching silk dress.
A Jane Corbett hat, though a tad dramatic, was very flattering none-the-less.
The Queen was all sweetness-and-light in a sunny yellow gown and dress coat by Angela Kelly.
Except for the snub aimed at Camilla Parker Bowles which caused a few tongues to wag (more juicy gossip on that tidbit later).
Camilla, by the way, turned out in lovely hand-embroidered Anna Valentine champagne silk dress and duck egg blue coat.
I predicted she would in a post a day-or-two ago.
The Countess of Wessex was relaxed and radiant-looking in a fitted biscuit suit by British designer Bruce Oldfield and did not go un-noticed in the searing glare of the spotlight.
By the by, when David Beckham first alighted from his gleaming ride, his OBE was affixed to the wrong jacket lapel.
Some kind fellow (or hottie with a sweet tooth for the soccer stud) must have tipped the sports hero off.
Unfortunately, for the fashion losers, cynical gawkers were - ready, able, and at-the-ready - to toss tomatoes at those who committed all the typical fashion faux pas.
Off with their heads
Should I be a modern woman & kiss Harry?